What is Happiness?

What the Self-Help Books Don't Tell YouThere are plenty of books out there claiming to know what will really make us happy: stop worrying, exercise more, meditate, live in the now, serve others. But, in our experience, don’t these external actions only make some of us happy some of the time? In the end, doesn’t our perspective in each moment color our experience? What does this perspective depend on?For example, ask anyone if they’d be happy being a conjoined twin. They’d probably say “no.” But ask conjoined twins if they’re happy; they’d probably say “yes,” and never dream of being separated. What does that say about what truly makes us happy?The very first words of the Divine Principle, the early insights from Father Moon, are: “Everyone is struggling to attain happiness and avoid misfortune… How, then, does happiness arise? People feel joy when their desires are fulfilled.”What, then, are our desires, and how do we begin fulfilling them? Of course, everyone has wide-ranging, unique wants and needs and ways of getting them, but we’re talking about those innermost, transcendental desires that underscore our entire being!Desire to LoveWhat is the utmost joy in life? Think about it: what makes you happiest? The Divine Principle teaches that it is love. God created us, His children, so we could have a relationship with Him and experience His love as our Parent, and He experience our love, as His children, in return. Each of us has this desire deep within us. We yearn for loving and fulfilling relationships. And we feel pain when our lives are void of them.Father Moon explains: “Even if some people think they now have enough so as not to envy anything in heaven and earth, and sing songs of joy, such external things cannot be a source of happiness. External things may be a means of finding happiness, but they cannot be happiness itself. Then what has to be determined in order to be able to feel happiness? You must have beloved parents, spouse and children. Nobody can deny this. If you lack just one of them, you will feel sorrow correspondingly, and dissatisfaction will inevitably remain in your heart” (1968).We can only go so long being by ourselves. Eventually we want someone to share experiences with, right? If you think about it, we’re relationally hardwired this way. So if we seek meaningful, lasting relationships in our lives, doesn’t God also seek that?Desire to CreateIf we believe we are co-creators with God, we understand our need to create, contribute and connect. However, it starts with us fulfilling our portion of responsibility. What if we could create a happy state—the space for God to work—simply from the power of our own minds? According to social psychologist Daniel Gilbert, we can go so far as to synthesize happiness itself!He mentions that happiness can be created if we learn not to compare what we have and don’t have. In fact, it’s often the people who focus on something they don’t have that are unhappy. We can be the creators of our own happiness, starting with being grateful for where we are in this moment.Desire to LiveWe often get caught up in daily routine, grinding our teeth at the clock to tick faster, even willing ourselves away from our jobs and responsibilities. Most of us would agree that annoyances, big or small, make us unhappy. What, then, is it like to truly live? To be the master of our own inner state? We can take a hint: “What is God like and how does He live? One thing we know is that God is the center and master of Himself, the family, society, nation, world and the entire universe” (Sun Myung Moon, 1979).In the film Peaceful Warrior, the wise old man Soc explains to the struggling gymnast that one of the pillars of true happiness is knowing that life is about the journey, not the destination. Cheesy line, sure, but there’s a lot of truth packed in there: Instead of focusing our energy on what could make us unhappy, if we let it, we can rise above it and choose to focus on the beautiful aspects those moments hold.Try it out. Perhaps go on a nature walk (to infuse your thoughts with the surrounding beauty) or reflect and write down some things you appreciate. With this new space created within, we can better approach the future with love, with God… and with happiness.