I Can't Heal You
I’m one of those people who finds themselves frequently encountering people in need of a great deal of healing. This happened often enough for me to start wondering why that was, when I, too, was in need of healing for a great many things.
“I can’t heal them!” I used to tell God. “Stop sending them my way. You have the wrong person.”
Growing up, I had heard Father Moon talk about the power of love and the world of heart, so I thought I understood the best way to help people.
“Unification Thought is a philosophy of heart. A philosophy of heart means that it relates to people. You can solve the problems of people only by relating to people; relating only to ideology or the Divine Principle will not solve people's problems. This shows us the amazing reality that God is a personal God. This being so, God cannot continue to exist without a counterpart in love. The reason such a God created human beings is that He needed object partners for His love.” – Father Moon, excerpt from Cham Bumo Gyeong, CH. 9, page 976, section 21
Father Moon was clearly talking about our God-given ability to love others and the power that could be found by intentionally loving. But I wasn’t listening.
For years I believed that only well-adjusted individuals could help others heal themselves. As I got older, I threw that idea aside and decided only those who have gone through the same ordeal can empathize with others who have been through difficult times and are the best ones to turn to for help. But that didn’t seem to work either.
What's the answer then? I wondered.
I have a longtime friend who has been through a lot. I never felt I was able to help her as she needed; I was too impatient, too selfish, too much in need of helping myself. So one day I signed us up for a spiritual retreat hoping the speaker would say something that would help her and give her what she needed to pick up the pieces and start again.
I sat in my seat letting my thoughts wander, figuring I was there for her sake, not mine, until I heard, “I am responsible for everything that happened and happens in the world.” I wasn’t sure just yet why, but I sat up in my seat, opened my eyes and paid attention.
“Ho’oponopono,” he said.
“Wha…?” I scrunched up my eyebrows and listened harder and to my surprise, I received the answer to a question I had and–without exaggeration–wanted the answer to for a long time. The speaker went on to explain the concept of Ho’oponopono, the ancient Hawaiian practice of reconciliation and forgiveness, which means: I am responsible for everything in this world and therefore, only by healing myself I heal the world. Michael Jackson’s “Man In the Mirror” appropriately popped into my head.
It comes with a very simple formula:
1. Say you’re sorry
2. Ask for forgiveness
3. Say “Thank you”
4. Say “I love you”
The formula resonated with Father Moon’s words in this practical exercise, and I felt two wonderful things: first, that I finally understood what Father Moon was saying, and two, loving myself was a practice I could totally do, no problem!
But when I sat down in my room, months after the retreat, and tried it, I found it was emotionally wrenching.
Sitting on my bed facing a wall full of photos of people I loved, I focused on my longtime friend and quietly said the four-step formula, without specifying anything. My eyes eventually closed. Soon, my brain picked a subject I really was sorry about, choices I had made regarding my love life, and began to say the formula again but to myself and this time in full sentences:
“I'm sorry I was so selfish and took such poor care of your heart.”
“Forgive me for not paying attention and neglecting you.”
“Thank you for always trying to pick me back up especially when I was being difficult.”
“I love you, I love you, I will always love you.”
I reviewed every moment when I had made a careless decision, a selfish, immature choice and soon, I found myself bent over in pain and crying in repentance to myself. I had never apologized to me. I never had a reason to think that was something I needed to do. Life happens, I used to think, so why apologize? I quickly threw that mantra out and adopted this new one.
Now, every night, I do a life review and say the four-step formula for another loved one. I find they are happier, less down in the mouth, even more out-going. I, too, am happier, better able to focus on life’s joys and better able to shape my life as I want it. It’s been a wonderful journey.
It’s really the greatest gift we can give to our world which, right now, is full of such incredible hate and violence: heal myself, heal the world. As such, I extend the challenge out to you and ask, “Will you Ho’oponopono?”
Links
Ho’oponopono
http://www.laughteronlineuniversity.com/practice-hooponopono-four-simple-steps/
Cham Bumo Gyeong