I Have a Crush ... Now What?
Have you ever had a little crush on a co-worker or a classmate that you just couldn’t shake? Regardless of our current relationship status, feelings of attraction (with the wrong person) can be inconvenient, at the very least. We’re left tongue-tied, tripping over our words, and second-guessing ourselves. We avoid conversation as much as possible, even about pressing, work-related matters. But it isn’t possible to find and celebrate our truest, freest, best selves when we clam up every time a member of the opposite sex walks into the room.
Feelings of attraction are natural. Father Moon says that attraction comes because everything seeks relationship. He compares creation to the unchanging essence of a magnet. Even flowers have the power of attraction, he says (Cheon Seong Gyeong, 595).
A crush on someone who is not your significant other can offer a fresh perspective, if you look beyond the slow torture and the inconvenience, to see the opportunities that the situation offers:
An Opportunity to Re-examine
What is it about this person that caught your eye, and why? Is it purely physical attraction, or a desire for some sort of deeper connection? Does this attraction stem from something that might be missing? How can you remedy that?
These feelings can give us a chance to take stock, to see what aspects of our lives need improvement. Ask yourself: What is God’s desire for my life? As a parent, God’s overall desire for us is that we become the best people we can be, the kind of people who light up a room because of our excitement for life. This means that our Heavenly Parent wants us to pursue our dreams, and do what truly makes us feel happy and fulfilled. Are you are taking active steps toward those dreams?
An Opportunity to Practice Commitment
There is a reason why you are choosing not to act on your attraction. It could be that you are already in a relationship; or you may realize that you are not committed to your crush. It could be a bad idea for a number of reasons. For one reason or another, you are choosing not to say anything, and that choice is your commitment.
Commitment is a powerful thing, and it’s sexy! In an article for Scientific American Mind, Dr. Robert Epstein says that he conducted a study which included 30 individuals from nine countries of origin and five different religions. These individuals, he says, identified commitment as the most important factor that contributed to the growth of their love. The determination to remain committed, and the certainty that your partner shares in your commitment strengthens relationships. But commitment is a skill that requires long-term dedication.
Having a healthy attitude towards unwanted feelings of attraction is a way to practice your commitment. You can even think of it as reinforcing your relationship with your current (or future) significant other! Whether or not you are in a relationship at this moment, remind yourself what is important to you in a relationship, what ideals you stand for, and respect your own values.
An Opportunity to Appreciate God’s Artistry
Again, there is something specific you first noticed about this person. Was it their ridiculously good looks, or their great personality? Take the opportunity to see the humor in your situation. Laugh at your silliness, laugh at how self-conscious you are around that person, and then admire the divinity in that person. God put a lot of thought into the creation of this person, so like the N’Sync song, acknowledge God’s handiwork!
On the other hand, did you notice this person because of the way they responded to you? Was there something new and exciting in the way that person reacts and interacts with you? What does that say about you: where you’re at and where you want to be? Look at this as a chance to realize your own areas of growth, but also to realize which of your characteristics you value and find attractive. Take this as an opportunity to appreciate God’s artistry in you!Have you ever had a little inconvenient crush? What helped you get past your feelings of attraction?