For Better or for Worse

Siblings Mirror Who We Truly Are There are few things in life that can be so irritating yet so precious and indispensable as a brother or sister. The following poem by Barbara Alpert illustrates this sentiment perfectly:

Sister. She is your mirror, shining back at you with a world of possibilities. She is your witness, who sees you at your worst and best, and loves you anyway. She is your partner in crime, your midnight companion, someone who knows when you are smiling, even in the dark. She is your teacher, your defense attorney, your personal press agent, even your shrink. Some days, she’s the reason you wish you were an only child.

The same can be said about brothers. What’s so unique about our siblings is that they wear many different hats in our lives, all of which express a different form of love, like friendship, care, “tough love”, pride and support. Often the intensity of our roles and responsibilities as siblings cause us to butt heads, and for some can lead to anger and estrangement. Because, for so many of us, our relationships with our siblings are that hard, that means that’s where we can learn the most. More than anything else, our siblings are our first and lifelong lessons of what it means to truly love another person unconditionally.

The First Siblings

We can trace it back to the first siblings: Cain and Abel. Because Adam and Eve could not exemplify the love that true, mature and loving parents could, Cain and Abel grew up with a troubled relationship. Because of what you could call a poor practice of love passed down through the generations, we still don’t know how to practice true love today, and every family has to learn the hard way.

There is a certain rivalry between siblings that is a footprint of Cain and Abel’s legacy. Have you ever felt on the brink of “hating” your siblings? Many of us have literally said those harsh words to our brother or sister, but deep down inside, no matter what they have done, we know that we truly love them. We know where they came from and how they grew up, and we understand and care for them. Each of our sibling relationships can heal the mistakes that Cain and Abel made. If we can love our siblings, vices and all, then we are practicing true love every day.

Siblings Prepare Us to Be Our Best

When we grow up and get married, we graduate from life with our siblings to life with our spouse. If we think about it, not much changes in this transition—we are still learning to love and accept a person for better or for worse.

Hopefully because of our sibling relationships, we can know by the time we meet our life partner that true love is, more than anything, about the unconditional companionship, trust, support, sacrifice and friendship that never dies; and it’s not always easy. Like our future partners, our siblings sometimes disappoint us, hurt us or get in the way of our own projects, but they mirror what we, too, need to work on in ourselves.

Think about it. Can you tell a lie to your brother or sister without them knowing the truth? Probably not. They likely know and understand you better than even your own parents do.

When we’re being selfish, irresponsible or dishonest, our siblings will most likely call us out on it. On the other hand, when we are truly hurt or worried or going through trials, they will feel for us and hope for us.

It’s like an invisible string that ties us together.

Only child? Not having a biological brother or sister doesn’t mean that you don’t have relationships that teach you that kind of love. The beauty of community is that it’s like family. Consider how someone close to you knows and loves you like a brother or sister would.

Appreciate Your Brothers and Sisters

When was the last time you spoke to your siblings? Was it this morning, or was it last month? No matter the state of the relationship right now, our love for our siblings is a lifelong journey that takes us through all the major milestones of life, together. From being kids to asking “How are your kids?” our siblings are always going to be an important part of our lives.

Why don’t you give your sibling a call, or send them a funny article over Facebook? Keep that irritating yet so precious and indispensable relationship alive—it’s so worth it.