How to Create Your Soul-Mate
How do I become the person my future spouse can love?
Hollywood might have us believe that a soul-mate has to be found, but when you have made the decision to embark on a spiritual journey and live a life centered on God, there is a lot more involved than luck. The path of owning one’s faith is all preparation for what Unificationists consider the ultimate spiritual journey, marriage. In marriage, we apply our core values—living for the sake of others, building a global family and creating unity across religious and cultural boundaries—on a daily basis.
Just as they say that happiness can’t be found but must be created, a “soul-mate” is not someone we were necessarily destined to meet, but someone with whom we work to create a relationship that can stand the test of time.
How do we begin this journey to create our soul mate?
First and foremost, involve God.
God’s original design of love was that a man and woman who had grown to maturity would unite in marriage, raise children in a loving family, and contribute to the larger society. A marriage that puts God at the center goes beyond, “how can I feel love from my partner”, and asks, “how can my partner and I help to make a better world?” When a couple like this marries, they understand that their union is not just for themselves, but it is a bridge between their two families, cultures, and the foundation for raising their own children, the future leaders in the world.
Instead of a love that seeks to take, we should be thinking, what can I give? We don’t have to wait to have a partner to start living these principles either. When we are still single, we can focus on becoming the best version of ourselves so that we are the soul-mate our future spouse can love. We can create “big picture” goals for our marriage, and look for someone who shares these goals. We can reflect on questions like: How do I want my marriage to be an inspiration for others? What role does my marriage play in creating a better world?
Make it a family affair.
Though charting out our spiritual path is an individual task, we can’t experience growth alone. We are constantly learning from and being supported by those around us. When it comes to choosing a life partner, it can help to have more than just ourselves as a compass.
In Unificationist families, parents often play a role in finding a match for their child, by networking with other parents and communicating closely with their child. Who better than our own families—those who raised us and know us best—to help us in setting up a union with the right person?
If we take a moment to sit down with our parents and siblings, or someone we consider as close as family, we can gain clarity by asking ourselves and each other: What kind of person would I best flourish with in a marriage? What is important for me to look for in a husband or wife? What unique qualities can I offer to my future spouse and what do I still need to work on to be ready for this stage in life? When we marry, this family dynamic continues as we can enjoy the ongoing benefits of the joint involvement of both families working together to support the couple.
Love is not a feeling; it’s a decision.
Romance, love and passion are an important part of the equation and a beautiful part of life, but they may not come in the order you expected. Focusing first on your commitment and on building a shared spiritual vision with someone can add all the more depth to your love life. True and blooming intimacy begins not physically but spiritually, mentally and emotionally.
Instead of “falling in love”, we want to “grow in love”. “Falling in” implies that we can “fall out” of love, but if we are growing, love is always expanding. Growing in love is a choice that we make no matter how long we’ve been together. It’s the kind of love that will go the distance.
Our soul-mate may not be some Hollywood hero/heroine, but chances are we’re not either! Take some time to meditate on how you can foster growth in your relationship—present or future. Think, how can I be the person my spouse or future spouse can love? How can I see my relationship from God’s viewpoint—as a bridge between families, a builder of peace and an example for the generations to come?
Think about the qualities you want in a soul mate, then try to foster those within yourself. Next, tell which qualities are most important to you in this poll!