How to Handle the Quarter-Life Crisis
As I sit here, writing about the quarter-life crisis, I find myself full of hesitation about what I might say. I realize, finding myself halfway through my 28th year with a child, thoughts of having a second, a master’s degree, looming student debt and underutilized skills that now represent that degree, that tackling this subject in an article means tackling my own quarter-life crisis in reality. And, well, to be honest, I’ve been avoiding it because facing it means making some big life decisions.
What is a quarter-life crisis anyway? Does everyone have one? Maybe not, if you’re lucky, but it’s quite a common experience to feel lost, stuck or overwhelmed in one’s 20s or 30s.
In the mental health world, a “crisis” refers to one’s reactions to an event or situation rather that the situation itself. According to researcher Oliver Robinson, there are 5 phases (or reactions) you might go through if you were to experience a quarter-life crisis:
Phase 1 - A feeling of being trapped by your life choices. Feeling as though you are living your life on autopilot.
Phase 2 - A rising sense of “I’ve got to get out” and the feeling that you can change your life.
Phase 3 - Quitting the job or relationship or whatever else is making you feel trapped and embarking on a “time out” period where you try out new experiences to find out who you want to be.
Phase 4 - Rebuilding your life.
Phase 5 - Developing new commitments more attuned to your interests and aspirations.
In the throes of a quarter-life crisis, a person can stagnate, lost between all the options. As I researched the topic further, however, I found that commitment to rebuild one’s life usually turns out really well. In fact, 80% of those that report going through this crisis say that it was a good experience in the end—maybe the quarter-life crisis isn’t such a “crisis” after all! Maybe it’s more of a journey of self-discovery, a chance to ask questions.
Do you ever find yourself wondering what you’re doing with your life? What will it take to be successful? How can you create a life in which you can flourish? If you’re in a so-called quarter life crisis right now, how do you get out?
Why Now?
What’s so special about being a quarter century old? The thing about a quarter-life crisis that makes it especially scary is that it takes place during a very important stage in life. Father Moon highlighted this when he said:
Especially during a person’s twenties, before age thirty, we should lay the groundwork for our life’s activities and secure a solid foundation for our life. We should also create the conditions upon which we can move forward and pursue our goals.
It’s widely accepted in psychology that the 20s and 30s are the years in which people develop their most intimate relationships or, otherwise, find themselves isolated. In terms of biology, young adult brains are still developing and ready to take on the knowledge necessary for highly skilled jobs, women are at their prime for having children, and we have the energy necessary to keep up with it all. Considering all this, it’s no wonder we can find ourselves uncertain of our decisions! The rest of our life is at stake!
So what would you like to do with your life? Are there things you’d like to figure out that you keep marking for later? What would happen if you kept delaying those decisions?
Grab Life by the Horns
The quarter-life crisis reminds me of what the Divine Principle teaches about the stages of growth—the steps that people go through in order to reach a state of maturity and harmony. Each stage acts as the foundation for the next, so it helps to master one before we move on. For instance, if we’ve only had experience in short-term, frivolous relationships, then it’s going to be pretty hard to commit long-term later on. Likewise, it’s difficult to make the jump from a part-time, menial job to becoming the CEO of a fortune 500 company. That part-time job could be a piece of the foundation that leads to success, but it might not be best to rely solely on that one experience.
Clinical psychologist, Meg Jay, suggests in the TEDtalk, Why 30 Is Not the New 20, that all 20-somethings should “do something that adds value to who you are or invests in who you want to be next. Make all exploration count.” Jay was specifically talking in terms of intimate relationships, but it applies to friends, our careers and lifestyles as well.
Have you found yourself lingering in a situation that has you stagnating emotionally, spiritually or professionally? Do you see something you can begin to invest in now, that you wish to see flourish in the coming years? It might be time to grab life by the horns and make things happen!
Forge Your Path
Change can be a wonderful phenomenon, but it can be scary, too. Making the choices that lead to a successful future can mean taking a big “time out” or even leaving certain habits, lifestyles or relationships behind. Exploration, for some, has meant leaving life as they know it behind, but it doesn’t have to be so drastic. Try starting off with a spiritual journey, a great way to help find who we really are and what we really want to do without abandoning the old. Reflect, assess, and reassess. Here are a few helpful videos that helped me get started.
How will what you do today lead to success and satisfaction tomorrow? Are you ready to start creating your post-crisis life?