The #1 Definition Of Success In Any Relationship
“I wish I had kept in touch with my best friend. I wish I had spent more time with my children. I wish I had forgiven my brother.” Imagine if these were the three things we said at the end of our life on our deathbed. What would we really be saying?
In hindsight, many people wish they had done things differently, and since we value love more than anything in the grand scheme of life, we often find at the end of our lives that we could have loved better. Can’t we glean the benefits of this hindsight, and look ahead to how love will guide our lives?
Kathleen Taylor gives a stirring TED talk on this matter, speaking on the importance of being real, honest, and authentic while nurturing our relationships, because in those last moments, what we’ll want to see most are those first smiles, those cups of coffee, and the love that grew in between.
Love trumps even our greatest worldly desires and helps us to live fulfilling lives. Here’s how:
Love Helps Us Grow
This is not a phenomenon experienced only by a few–this happens across all peoples. We live our lives in hopes of reaching a point where we can look gladly upon our relationships and know that we took care of those around us. In fact, psychologist, Erik Erikson, wrote about it when describing the developmental stages of people. In all stages of life, from birth to death, people develop according to their interactions with their family and their peers. If these interactions are fulfilling and nurturing, people tend to develop into kind, successful, and happy people.
Love Leads to True Success
Towards the end of life, Erikson talks about how people begin to reflect on their past and whether or not they were able to be successful. Erikson states that many people find their success within their family and relationships with others at the end of life–not the material things that we often define as success. When people find success in their relationships, they can end their lives with integrity. Those that don’t, tend to pass away with some lingering regret.
That’s a little heavy–but it’s true. When we look at our lives, what we strive and hope for are happy relationships. Then why do we often go through life simply building up our assets?
Sometimes, things don’t always go well in our families or with our friends. In those cases, people may develop coping mechanisms that protect their sense of self but could deter them from forming loving, lasting relationships in the long run. Or, perhaps, we tried to fulfill all the expectations others had of us instead of focusing on our relationships with those people–we got the job, house, car, but not the love.
If we want to be truly successful, we need to remember that material things can give us a sense of short term success, but long term, true success requires love.
Love Connects Us to God and Each Other
According to Father Moon, the founder of the Unification faith, “Human beings were created to be happy, full of life and joy before God their Parent.” God is happy when he is able to have a reciprocal relationship with His and Her children and see that they are happy. As God gives love and joy to us, we give love and joy to Him and Her. We were created in His and Her image, which means we also find joy when we are able to create joy for others. The more we are able to come together, the more joy and happiness we create for ourselves.
So, what is the relationship between love and success? The answer: love in our relationships is success.
Since our purpose in life is joy and love, let’s take time each day to create some joy with those closest to us. Take time to nurture your relationships; put a smile on someone’s face. Then, take a moment, look back, and be glad for the joy and happiness you’ve created.