Questions About Marriage On Valentine's Day
It’s almost Valentine’s Day. I remember when all it meant to me was candy hearts, extra chocolate sales and PDA. Then, as an American teenager, it seemed to be an over-glorification of romantic love. As I grew older, however, it became a time when I reflected on my personal life. As a Unificationist waiting until the commitment of marriage to have an intimate relationship, I asked myself: am I ready to be married? Have I done enough on my own to become a strong, confident and whole person, and am I prepared to love another person through thick and thin?
Life is a continuous process of growth and maturity, and we’re not necessarily done maturing once we’re in a relationship. That’s a whole new adventure! This asks us to dig deeper. For example, when does our spiritual growth start to overlap with that of another person? When do we pursue joint dreams?
I’ve since tied the knot with a wonderful Englishman, and we are approaching our one-year anniversary—but I remember when the life-altering decision stared me in the face and I had to decide if I was really ready to take the plunge! I turned to the Divine Principle and asked myself these four questions:
Can I Look After Myself?
I considered being able to look after myself, rather than having others look after me, a big sign of maturity—and a huge plus in a relationship. This also meant looking after myself emotionally—getting through ups and downs without relying too much on others, and finding a way to balance myself, ground myself and soothe myself.
The significance of this question is that in marriage we need to make room to focus on another person, too. Father Moon spoke to this when he said: “When we marry, we need to do so with the conviction that we do this not for ourselves but for our partner… Once we realize that human beings are born to live for the sake of others, we understand that marriage, too, is for the sake of our spouse.”
Maybe the real question here is, Am I ready to live for the sake of another person each day?
Have I Accomplished as Much as I Wanted?
This is a question that will be answered by each person differently. It’s a unique experience to accomplish our goals and focus on our own growth. However, at some point we might feel the need to share the growth experience. Even though I hadn’t encountered all of life’s experiences (and I still haven’t), I viewed a relationship as going through those times—both adventures and challenges—together, learning from each other’s mistakes and becoming stronger. I asked myself if I was ready to take the rest of my adventures side by side with my husband.
What Are My Reasons for Being in a Relationship?
It’s not all cake and flowers and giggly walks on the beach. We all need to ask ourselves if we are ready to commit to the whole experience. If we feel fearful of the responsibility or the magnitude of such a step, we might want to rethink it.
Father and Mother Moon, huge proponents of healthy marriage, give a hint as to what a solid motivation is when coming into one:
“Why do we marry? In short, it is so that we may resemble God’s image. As one entity that exists with dual characteristics, God is a unified being in which opposites dwell in union. Because men and women are projections of God’s divine characteristics, their destiny is to form a union as one body, become as one seed, and return to oneness with God’s original character.”
Am I in a Good Place in My Personal and Spiritual Life?
If we are not satisfied with who we are, then chances are the people around us won’t be either. We need to respect that amazing soul that is in us if we want others to respect it too! This brings up an even bigger question I had: are all of my current problems ones that I’d want to bring into a relationship? Is there anything I feel I need to take care of on my own?
Marriage is such a blessing. Though speaking as a novice, I can say that it’s one of the greatest blessings God has to give us. Maybe it’s not so much about the plunge, as much as it is about the journey. Where do you find yourself in yours?