Are We All Judgmental?
We are all judgmental. Yes, even YOU! All day long our brains are making calculations based on cues, past experiences, and first impressions.
We all know where Jesus stands on judgment, “Judge not lest ye be judged” and “Let he who is without sin cast the first stone,” have become part of the cultural lexicon. Small judgments about people may seem harmless, but if we are not careful to examine our judgments and prejudices, we run the risk of not only alienating others, but being truly unhappy ourselves. Here’s why:
Judgment creates isolation. When we elevate ourselves to a position of judgment, we create an “otherness”, a sort of, “me vs. them” mentality. We are basically saying, “I know better than you”. Sure, if you’re the parent of a five year old, you probably do know better, but when it comes to the stranger on the street, or your sister-in-law, this kind of thinking creates distance and a certain lack of empathy. Unless we are God, or a fictitious omniscient narrator, it’s impossible for us to see the whole picture from only a few interactions. Besides, it’s lonely up there at the top.
It fosters negativity. Judgment is almost always about finding fault and assuming the worst. Sure, you could judge someone as happy and productive—though even that can have unforeseen consequences—but most of the time our judgment is about someone or something not living up to our expectations. When we attribute negative motivations or emotions to others it can start to feel like everyone is out to get us and that the world is a cruel, unfair, and disappointing place.
We miss out on opportunities. That person we wrote off as rude because they were having a bad day might have turned out to be a great friend or a key business connection. If nothing else, the seemingly negative circumstance or difficult person might be the catalyst for learning an important lesson.
What to do instead:
Put yourself in the other person’s shoes. Remember that in most cases, it’s not our responsibility to pass judgment. It IS our responsibility to treat others with kindness and respect. Maybe that homeless man on the street isn’t lazy, but suffers from chronic illness and is in need of care. Maybe the rude teller at the bank just lost her husband. If you were in their position how you would feel? Look beyond your first impressions and try to see them as people with emotions, struggles, and feelings, just like you.
Meet people where they are. And take a situation as it is, instead of how we want it to be. Compassion and acceptance are much better motivators than disapproval and anger. Look for the good and choose to live in gratitude instead of disappointment.
Recognize when you are judging. We may never be free from judgmental thoughts, but recognizing them for what they are keeps us from casting stones, and gives us a chance to change our thought pattern to seek other possibilities.
Being judgmental isn’t necessarily bad, as long as it is tempered with discernment. As Buddhist Author Toni Bernhard shares, “Discernment means perceiving the way things are, period. Judgment is what we add to discernment when we make a comparison (implicit or explicit) between how things or people are and how we think they ought to be.” Judgments can protect our hearts, even save our lives, but we need to keep from making snap judgments, and be willing to change our minds.
When have you regretted making a judgment in retrospect? Tell us in the comments below!