Finding Joy in a Life with Special Needs
When we think about change or challenges, our mind often envisions situations like losing a job, death in the family, or moving into a scary new phase of life. In these sorts of temporary hardships we find solace in knowing that the stress and strain eventually will pass. But not every difficulty moves on from our lives so readily. In particular, when we or someone we love are diagnosed with a disability, that sort of change—and its daily challenges—can be much more permanent.
Physical and mental abilities are something which, consciously or otherwise, we might include as a part of who we are and how we identify ourselves. If that ability changes, or if someone we love and for whom we wish the best does not have a certain kind of ability, how do we turn these often painful situations into a blessing? Furthermore, if we are lucky to have good health, how can we be grateful for that and be sensitive to the struggles faced by others?
Let God in
There are few things that make our heart ache more than discovering that someone we love will have to struggle through life more than others. If the frustration we feel in our own heart is bad, imagine the frustration felt by the biggest, most ultimate parental heart in the universe! And yet, it is God who is by our side through every difficult moment. God knows that our hardships are something we are equipped to bear—even when we don’t believe we can! In the low moments we can turn to God, knowing that He and She can hold us when we cry and can strengthen us as we rise to face our challenge.
God wants to let us in, too!
Life is all about perspective. If we look around us, we encounter fortunate people who think their lives are awful and people who smile through the most unbelievable difficulties, which proves that external circumstances do not define happiness. The secret to being positive isn’t really a secret: It takes hard work and daily effort to hunt down something, anything good about our current situation.
Doing so can be excruciating at first—it’s not easy to expound on the joys of a 12-year-old having a tantrum in the supermarket like a toddler, or having our patience stretched as our loved one takes twice as long to achieve something. The frustration of those moments can make the victories reached that much sweeter, but not always. Some days the only grain of reassurance we can cling to is that our suffering today might lessen the suffering of someone else in the future.
Yet it is precisely in those moments of suffering that we are granted access to a very specific and sacred corner of God’s heart. This is a place that few people understand, simply because they have never been able to relate. But those chosen to support a loved one through months of doctors’ appointments, who learn to give dozens of medications and change soiled bedding night after night, who learn to explain to others that this person is perfectly fine and simply has different abilities than most people—how precious to God is the empathy found in such people! Caregivers to people with special needs become earthly experts of divine love.
Beyond positivity, seek purpose
For those who themselves are called to live a life with special needs, finding the blessing can be even harder. Everyone has moments when they wonder, “Why me?,” and in a life filled with moments of feeling completely overwhelmed around people, or needing help but having difficulty asking for that help, finding the blessing in our lives can seem useless.
Nick Vujicic, a young man born without arms or legs, felt this struggle acutely during his childhood to the extent that he attempted suicide during his adolescence. Thankfully, the relationship he cultivated with God led him to discover his life purpose of sharing his story to inspire others. He explains: “Jesus said that the blind man was born that way so that the works of God would be revealed through him. I said to God, if you had a plan for that man, I certainly believe that you have one for me. I let go of ‘needing to know the plan’ and trusted God to guide me one day at a time.”
Nick’s story reminds us that sometimes positivity is not enough; we need to find our purpose and the way we fit into God’s plan for humanity. When we see our life as a subplot to God’s overarching story of humanity, we realize that we play an active role in helping God write the happy ending we all yearn for.
We are all special needs
Just as seeking positivity and purpose can open up the hearts of caregivers, choosing to focus on the blessings in our lives guides us to the realization that everyone, of every ability, has both blessings and challenges. We all have special needs, and when we acknowledge our own beautiful abilities, we discover how to use what we have to help someone else. We can feel comforted and hopeful, knowing that we all can use what we have to contribute in our own way toward making the world a better place for everyone.